To start out, this is a blog from women’s hearts. No names will be mentioned and it is real life stories that has happened to women of all ages.
So, it is the year 2021 and by now it isn’t a suprise the way things work sometimes.
This blog is all about the people you thought were your best friend and found out, swiftly that they weren’t.
I know everyone has encountered a situation through life where you thought someone was your friend and then you find out the hard truth.
Whether you’re in middle school and maybe just starting to experience this.
Whether you’re in high school and think someone is your friend and then find out they are talking bad about you.
Whether you’re over 18 and full swing into “Adult life”.
At some point in life we ALL experience this. There isn’t any avoiding it, unfortunately. Believe me, I wish I could too!
I want to first start off with saying, no matter how old you are and how hard the situation is… YOU’RE
- AMAZING
- BEAUTIFUL
- STRONG
- BLESSED
- SPECIAL
- LOVING
- AND WORTH IT
Life sometimes throws us for loops that we just don’t see coming.
As my mom always says we have three types of friends
- Reason
- Season
- Lifelong
Reason “Friends”
The reason friends are people that come in to your life for a specific reason.
This reason could be to teach you something, to teach them something or for a reason you may never know.
The point is, they are only a friend for a small portion of your life. Once the “reason” is found or happens their will be an exit.
Now this exit may not be graceful. This exit may be heart wrenching. It could just be a silent exit, it just depends.
Season “friends”
Season friends can be around a little longer than the “reason” friends.
You may be thinking when we say season are we talking about the weather changing seasons? Not technically but, you could have a friend that is only a friend for the summer or another time.
What we mean by season is a select time in your life. Whether it be…
- Younger years (middle school, high school)
- College years
- Your 20s
- Your 30s
- Marriage
- Children
See the list could keep going because there is ALWAYS a different season in our life’s evolving and transitioning.
Lifelong “friends”
Life long friends is the friend you really want to find. This is the person that is going to stick with you no matter what. The friend that isn’t going to exclude you. The friend that isn’t going to put your friendship in jeopardy.
These type of friends are few and far between. They are hard to find, so once you do find this type of friend. Keep them.
A life long friend is going to be there through all phases of life. From marriage, babies to growing old. It’s basically a marriage to a best friend.
They get old with you and are there until “death do us part”
Now these friends? They aren’t going to be the friends that bash you. The friends that lie to you. The friends that exclude you and don’t act like a true friend.
My mom has one of these friends, this women holds a special place in my heart. They have been friends for many many years. This friend of my moms has been around my entire life. They don’t have fights, they don’t speak bad about eachother and they always are there for eachother. Even after 20+ years! So it is possible!
The things season & reason friends do
So, we all have examples of things people have done to us. When I say things I don’t mean a one time accident that they were sincerely sorry for. Everyone makes mistakes. I mean the multiple negative impacts a person does to you. Such as;
- Excluding you from important events
- Lying to you constantly
- Talking bad about you
- Getting you in trouble or fired at work
- Being envious of you getting married or pregnant
- Bringing negativity into your life that taxes your mental health
Some of these are different things that have happened to women I have spoken too.
MY STORIES
Throughout my own life I have encountered the “reason and season friends”. Every time I do it’s like I am devistated someone could do that to me.
Now I am only listing two here on this blog, because listing the many people would take far too long.
Friend 1
I had a friend for several years that I thought was going to be a life long friend. We had the best of times together. Like two peas in a pod. I never thought she would talk bad about me and always knew I could go to her with stuff.
UNTIL I fell pregnant. This “friend” told me she was going to push me down the stairs. She didn’t like my baby’s father, which is fine if you don’t. But saying such harsh things?
After the second time of her making this comment and I knew she wasn’t joking I started to let the friendship fade out.
Why? Because a real friend doesn’t wish harm on you or your unborn child. A good friend supports you in your decision to keep a child.
Friend 2
Now this friend I truly thought was going to be a lifelong friend. We started being friends many years ago. It took me multiple times of being hurt by this person to realize, I need to let her go.
People told me over and over to stop letting someone in that keeps doing these things to me.
- Stopped being friends with me due to a toxic relationship they were in
- Blew me off for other plans after making plans first with me, multiple times
- Putting a stress on me to make sure she was safe
- Tells me she is moving far away less than five days before she leaves; with the person that physically hurt her
- Doesn’t respond to me and reach out before
See I could keep listing things. But that is enough for me to know, this person wasn’t a real friend.
I have learned that friendships that end are almost worst than break ups. It feels like your heart is shattering and you’re losing “your person”. In a way, you kind of are.
Now, even though these people have done you wrong. I never recommend wishing bad things onto other people.
I always say, wish them luck and walk away.
After being in a friendship with someone that mentally drained me. I want everyone to know, at some point you have to do what is best for you.
I worried and stressed myself out trying to make sure that someone was okay. I was the on standby person when they were afraid of the person they are with. I was the person that had a code word to help and send cops because, it’s that bad. I put a strain on my own mental health always worrying that the next time it wouldn’t be just a minor injury.
After years of them going back to the person who hurt them. I realized, I’m so mentally drained from someone else’s life that I feel off in my own daily life.
This was a wake up call for me.
SO, TO YOUR OLD BEST FRIEND. WISH THEM LUCK. TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM.
YOU CAN REMOVE THEM FROM EVERYTHING, PROTECT YOUR MENTAL.
FOCUS ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
BRING POSITIVITY BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.
DON’T ENTERTAIN THE NEGATIVE THINGS
Use your life for good. Stop stressing over other peoples bad decisions. You are here for a reason and it isn’t to dwell on the bad parts of life.
Now sometimes life and friendships just run it’s course, the assigned time expires. Sometimes this is no fault of either party, but it just isn’t meant to be.
As always,
Much Love, B
A Travel Loving Momma 